How To Stop Living In Your Mind

Lately, I’ve been noticing a constant feeling of unsettledness within myself, so I sat down and started writing. One day I wanted to make some fries for myself; it’s been a while since I’ve had them, and I really love them. Honestly, I wasn’t just craving them that day; there have been many times in the past that I wanted to have fries, but the process is so boring that I never actually bring myself to do it.

I know it’s at least an hour-long process of making it. Starting by getting everything I need, then peel potatoes, cut them, wash them, put on some salt, then corn flour, then put them in hot oil and watch them fry until it’s ready, then take it out and serve it to myself- that’s when the reward that I was craving, but the friction of the process made it impossible to look at.

It was so boring and long that this resistance made me forget the reward, and I distracted myself by doing the things that have less friction, like scrolling, for example.

If I’m being more honest with myself, I think the excuse I gave to myself for not making fries was that it would waste a lot of time doing things that aren’t really productive, like peeling, then cutting, then frying, will take an hour at my pace, and all for what? Just for fries? Meh, I’m good!

But this petty excuse that I gave to myself- that I would be wasting time doing all that, so I’ll be better off not doing it- this excuse is so cunning and deceiving that it makes me feel better about myself for saving time; it makes me feel great for not wasting time on something as trivial and boring as peeling potatoes, cutting them, and frying them, so it becomes a reason for my achievement for saving time.

However, this time that I saved by not doing something so trivial would be invested and used productively, making full use of Instagram and scrolling reels, hmm, is it the fault of living on autopilot or just me lacking the courage to face the truth, or maybe just proof of my brainrot caused by scrolling for hours.

I also wrote an Article: The Emotional Cost Of Doom Scrolling on my observations regarding the impact of doom scrolling on my emotional life, attention span, and ability to live in the moment, but it’s beyond just scrolling.

The biggest upfront obstacle is not allowing myself to sit and observe myself long enough to figure out what I’m missing out on, and I know I can’t heal something I won’t look at. The more I let myself sit with the unsettling feeling, the more peaceful I feel afterwards.

It mostly depends on your ability to be okay with any unsettling feelings, and it circles back to being okay with getting bored. No matter how hard I try to simplify and analyze it, it can’t be simpler than the fact that I just have to learn to be okay with getting bored long enough for it to do its job, for me to go into flow state and get the work done I’m finally proud of.

My best crafts, writings, and output were created when I was in flow state, a state that was only possible when I let myself go into work so deep that I’m not even aware of my surroundings, and that too starts after you’re in a comfortable state of boredom.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I have in my mind that I have to do, and it never ends, but the main problem was that I’ve been living in a constant state of unsettling feeling, like a weight I have to carry, a burden on my shoulders I can’t get off.

The only solution I can see to lower this burden is to do the work. I keep thinking that if I publish all these blogs, complete this and that project, and make that app successful, then I’ll finally be allowed to be happy. But this also kept me trapped, cause I’m in a constant state of mental stress and the burden of not doing enough. It always feels pressured to do more, to be more, and carry the weight of not doing enough, so I am not allowed to be peaceful in the moment.

It’s always keeping me worried, living for the future that I don’t even realize I’m missing out on in the present. One day, I allowed myself to be bored and be more observant of the moment, and started reading. I came across this blog that was about how you’ll miss this time that you’re trying to escape.

When you’re 60 years old in bed, looking back in time and thinking about this time that you’re living today, what will you feel about it? Perhaps I’ll regret not living it? Maybe I would wish that I had enjoyed and lived in the moment more, spent more time with my family, took some more time to appreciate the beauty of the sky and stars at night, had more conversations with the people I love, and enjoyed more beautiful scenes with some special people in life.

I’m so in my mind all the time, carrying the burden of not doing good enough that even when I’m walking on the street, going to the grocery, or just sitting still, I’m not living in the moment but constantly fighting for my self-worth with the inner voice that’s screaming how I’m not doing good enough and feeling inferior to others. All this for the problems that don’t even exist, and I’m ruining my peace with it.

I knew I just wanted to start living in the moment cause it matters; this time is never coming again, and I’m never going to be this young ever again. To start living, I must learn to be more bored and be okay with it. I must learn to sit with the unsettling feelings and allow them to do their job.

I want to create more content, write more, learn more, and constantly improve and grow myself; that’s when I feel happy. But the baseline shouldn’t be that I have to do it to feel happy. I am already doing good enough to be happy, and I should be happy in the moment; doing more will add to my worth, but I shouldn’t feel worthless without it.

To be able to create my best, to have more ideas and write more, I need to start being more bored and being comfortable with it; that’s where the best ideas come from. So I need to stop running towards all the things I use to escape from boredom, like scrolling or binge-watching.

I’ve always picked up and dropped my sister off at her tuition, but I was always absent-minded doing so; it was just a chore that I had to do. But my 5-year-old brother always wished to tag along, mainly because he liked going out in fresh air and walking all the way, enjoying each step, and I always hated it every time he tagged along, cause his walking speed would slow me down.

Maybe if I just slow down to notice, I’ll actually see how he enjoys it. What is just a chore for me to walk down to the next street and pick up my sister, it’s a fun activity for my 5-year-old brother. If I allow myself to slow down and notice more things, maybe I’ll also be able to enjoy this time with him of picking up my sister from her tuition, even if that slows me down, cause I’m never going to have a 5-year-old brother again.

If I take more time to notice, I’ll see how I’m always stressing over optimizing every second of my time, trying to make full use of it, just always in a constant race but never allowed to enjoy the steps I’m taking.

Maybe if I just stop being in a constant chase of doing more, I’ll actually be happier in the present.

If I just allow myself to be more bored, I’ll start to appreciate the little things in my life.

If I allow myself to pause and take my time to notice, I’ll observe more beauty in my surroundings.

If I start looking at things without needing to optimize my time, I’ll actually be more at peace.

If I sit with my feelings more often and allow them, I’ll see aspects of myself I never knew.

If I just start allowing myself to live in the moment without being hurried by building for the future, I’ll be able to live in the true meaning of the present.

If I start feeling worthy and complete in the present without needing to achieve more, I won’t feel worthless in every moment.

It looks basic and easy, but what’s actually hard is when you actually need to sit through it, and it’s not harder than just sitting through it and not running for escape.

Today is not meant to be about building for the future or living in the past; it’s meant to live in the present, cause each moment matters. Your life doesn’t start when you achieve it all; your life has already started, but you’re not allowing yourself to live it cause you’re waiting for the perfect moment to start, and perhaps you’ll never feel ready to start living cause there’s always more to achieve. So start enjoying it even if you haven’t achieved it all.

Let it be boring,

Let it slow you down,

Let yourself sit with it,

Allow yourself to pause and notice.

You’re living a life; allow yourself to live it in its moment.